Fenna van den Berg Coaching

Personal coach

Burnoutbehandeling / preventie


LImerent blog, can we be friends?

Can we be friends in limerence?

Can we be or stay friends? This is a question that almost all limerent people ask me, can I somehow stay or be friends with the other person? Short answer: No. More nuanced answer: Because your hormones have become dependent on the actions of the other person, you will never be able to be neutral friends while you are in a limerent episode. Your hormones will react to the presence or absence of the other person and these are hard to regulate just by thinking you are friends. Your body wants to form a pair (against your better judgement) your nervous system will not find peace and will regularly seek the other.

People in limerence want to lose everything but the other forever, just the thoughts! (Detaching literally feels like dying) so we all try ways to figure out why we should and can keep the other person in our lives. A bit like an alcoholic who thinks of drinking 1 beer a day to "control it". In practice that is very difficult, you cannot reason yourself out of an addiction. This way you also maintain the addiction. The limerent will always desire more than what a platonic friendship can offer. And that hurts a lot.

Want my help with lirerence?  Contact me and together we will beak the pattern.