Fenna van den Berg Coaching

Personal coach

Burnoutbehandeling / preventie


Limerence, the obsessive kind of love.

I help people in a limerent episode.

I help people in limerence, together we can change the patterns to stop limerence. 

Do you feel that your feelings for someone are “out of control”, are you so focused on someone that you are almost lost and your life is a roller coaster of feeling really good and feeling really bad? Is the love you feel obsessive and makes you unhappy? Then you may suffer from limerence, limerence is a physical and emotional obsessive focus on another. Often involuntarily with an enormous need for reciprocity from the other.

Most people find that out when they start googling frantically because they don't understand what's happening and why they're so drawn to a person that it's almost unbearable, you keep thinking, you keep looping, against your better judgement. "Just letting go" is not an option. You may even lose yourself completely, your work, your family and your sleep will suffer, and one thing you know for sure, this is not healthy.

Unfortunately, not much is known about limerence within mental healthcare, often the sympoms are associated with co-dependency, OCD, depression or other mental health problems, it may indeed be that limerence occurs from this, but that does not have to be the case.

Due to circumstances, your hormonal reward system is focused on the other. So you have become addicted to the other. Unfortunately there is no cure for limerence, but together we can see what is the cause of your obsession and how you can best deal with it, what circumstances have made you addicted to this person and what are the steps to get you back. to feel better. Because limerence can be a lot of fun in the beginning, until it's not fun anymore, then you can feel like you're trapped, you're stuck. You want to commit to this person in a situation where you can't.

I help you to understand what is happening and what you can do to break this pattern. I also have a You-tube channel about limerence: Self-compassion channel. Click here for my You tube channel about limerence

The 13 characteristics of Limerence: 

Involuntarily having to think a lot about the other as a (sexual) partner, having an intense desire, and making this person larger than life. 

Intense need for reciprocity from the other.

Every action the other person takes has a major impact on your mood.

You are only focused on one person. Fantasizing or affection of the other temporarily calms the nervous system.

The limerent person is afraid of the person's rejection.

Obstacles, uncertainty or the impossibility of the relationship will reinforce the limerence.

You want to be with this person in a situation where you can't. 

The limerent looks for reciprocity from the other, overestimates the meaning of the relationship or sees rejection in everything.

Uncertainty makes you sad, depressed or irritated, confirmation makes you happy and light-hearted.

The limerent may want to adjust his behavior and/or personality to the other person. All other things in the limerent's life become less important, the other is most important in the limerent's life. 

The mood is no longer caused by 'natural' things (nice event or sad event) but only by the other person.

It feels unhealthy.